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RECRUITINg

 

Players needed for the 2005 season !

WE NEED SOME BASIC INFORMATION FROM YOU IF YOU ARE REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING TO JOIN THE TEAM <- please click here


PROFESSOR TICKLE COMMENTS ... Excerpts from genuine emails the team has received

 

Interviews for team members were conducted in cities across the globe.

The photo is of a throng of potential players lining-up for interviews. The response was so overwhelming that someone was moved to comment:

"This is just like the Mardi Gras"

 

 

Seriously, we are always on the lookout for fun people and currently need female and male players for Thailand, Nepal and Sri Lanka. You don't have to play all of them and you don't have to have had any prior polo experience, but it would help if:

  • You will be passing through Singapore at some point so that you can meet the captain and some of the other Singapore-based expats who form the core of the team.

  • You have an easy going demeanor and are able to introduce new drinking games to the team.

  • Your pork belly futures held by your private trust in the Cayman Islands are 'in the money'. This is probably not the cheapest sport you could think of. But then again a few of the rookies thought that you had to own your own elephant to play (The tears streamed down our faces for days !). From that perspective it may not be as expensive as you think !

  • Your family name is 'Dolittle' and you really do have a way with big animals.

If interested, please write to:
players@tickle-and-the-ivories.com


It would also help if you could waffle on a bit about yourself. If you hold an MBA, as do some of the team, you may not have as much common sense as you think and your attention to detail is almost certainly deficient. So you may want to tackle the following in a strict linear fashion:


age - Feel free to lie as long as that lie has long-since been carried over into your photo identification.


sex - There was a time when a name would reveal all, but in an age of cross-gender experimentation it wouldn't hurt to clarify this. If you are unsure, we regret that we do not have the resources to perform chromosomal analyses. So hold that blood sample.


health - A general description of your health and level of physical fitness. Glasses and contacts are fine. A reply along the lines of "Perfect health but allergic to elephants" is probably not as funny as you might imagine. If you have peculiar dietary requirements but are happy foraging in the jungle in the evenings to supplement your vacuum-packed NASA rations, do let us know.


nationality - If your country/territory: is in the process of being used as a football on the international field of geo-political soccer (Gibraltar et al); was recently under UN supervision (East Timor); is dysfunctional, failing, exploding, imploding, or generally getting a right old spanking at the moment (where do we start ...), or is simply a mean and wicked place and won't let you have a passport (North Korea ... and the rest), then this will be a difficult area to tackle. If however you're merely one of those annoying individuals who hold passports from multiple countries (and buying them from island-nations of the South Pacific is cheating), then count up the stamps in all your passports and let us know which one has the most !


location - Where are you based ?
profession - "One-eared impressionist painter" ; "Founder and CEO of Kinko's Kennels for Kats - Karing for Kats since late 2001". That kind of thing.


dates - Which tournament are you interested in ? Dates are on the home page. Both is an option.


other - Hobbies (weird is good), social activities in which you participate (or would but they never invite you) etc. Actually to be honest this has very little to do with the entry requirements. We're just curious !


feedback - where did you hear about us ?


If all this was too hard, why don't you just use "well-rounded", "gregarious", "competitive", "I am" and "great fun, particularly after a few tequila slammers" in a sentence and you're probably in with a fighting chance !


PROFESSOR TICKLE COMMENTS ...

The team receives enquiries and applications from all over the world. These are genuine excerpts from some of the emails with comments by Professor Tickle ...

 


TG, New York, USA: i am an american female and i am in good health, although i am allergic to nuts and pussy(cats) [sic]. i live on long island NY

Professor Tickle: Hmmm. On my last visit to Manhattan I came across large numbers of complete nuts, beer nuts and pussy (cats) in many locations, particularly single's bars. You forgot to mention that you're also allergic to CaPiTaLiZaTiOn. Good luck with that !
 


MV, Jakarta, INDONESIA: The tenant in my house in [the] US is moving in August. This means I have to pay to paint, replace [the] heat pump and [the] deck, and [the] carpet, so that I can sell it. [...] However, if [I] sell [the] house, [I] will have more money for Sri Lanka, which I still wish to join

Professor Tickle: Hmmm. So your tenant trashed the place huh ? Could I suggest that the Clintons might be looking for a reduced-rent pad. Those Whitewater legal bills are still hurting. Besides which, Bill is supposed to be quite good with heat pumps. You could get him to fix it. But if you really want to sell your house so that you can join the team, then ... Good luck with that !


 

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